You’ve always been the responsible one, the helper, the high-achiever—the one who knows what to say and who others depend on. But now, that role feels like a costume you can't take off. When the performance ends, you’re left wondering: Who am I, really? Of course, the answer is 24601.
Or maybe your identity never felt fully yours in the first place. You’ve masked parts of yourself to fit in, to feel safe, to avoid judgement. Now, you’re trying to unmask… but it’s overwhelming to know where to begin.
Clients seeking self-esteem and identity counselling in Calgary often share a similar truth: “I don’t know who I am without other people’s expectations.”
👉 If that sounds like you, this is the place to begin building an identity that finally feels like home.
Low self-esteem and identity struggles don’t look the same for everyone, but here are some common patterns we see:
Persistent self-doubt or imposter syndrome.
Difficulty making decisions or trusting your own judgment.
Shame tied to neurodivergence, gender identity, or emotional sensitivity.
People-pleasing or emotional suppression to “keep the peace.”
Disconnection from joy, values, or authentic expression.
Constant comparison... yet always coming up short.
These aren’t failures. They’re signs that you’ve been surviving inside stories that were never truly yours. What would your story be if you suddently isekai'd?
Low self-esteem is a survival strategy. These wounds rarely start with you. They’re patterns shaped by families, schools, cultures, and systems that taught you approval = safety. Over time, many people become adaptive shapeshifters by reading the room and becoming exactly who others expect, even when it costs them their centre.
Dr. Michael Yapko reminds us that struggles with identity and worth thrive in patterns: the ways we think, respond, and relate to ourselves. Dr. K adds that identity isn’t created in a vacuum; it’s shaped by the systems you’re forced to operate in, from family expectations to online culture. When those systems don’t affirm you, they chip away at trust in your own voice and your ability to believe in it.
Stories reflect this truth back to us. Zuko from Avatar: The Last Airbender wore the mask of the “banished prince” long after it stopped serving him, convinced that playing that role was the only way to be worthy. In Persona 5, every Phantom Thief starts with a mask — Makoto as the perfect student, the protagonist as the quiet delinquent. Vital to their real growth comes when those masks are peeled back through developing genuine bonds as we increase their social links. Masking kept them safe in hostile worlds, but it also held them back from connection.
Other characters from media can show what happens when the mask is clung to too tightly. Cloud Strife from Final Fantasy VII crafted his entire identity from someone else’s memories; it got him far as a SOLDIER, but not far enough to unlock his true potential until he embraced who he really was. Shinji in Evangelion pushed himself to be “useful” to others, but the more he piloted for approval, the more self-destructive he became. We can observe his breakthroughs came only when he showed up authentically, even under immense pressure. Haven't watched classic anime or into video games? No worries! Elsa from Frozen survived by hiding her powers with “conceal, don’t feel,” but the longer she suppressed herself, the more dangerous and unstable her world became.
For neurodivergent and gender-diverse clients especially, masking, performing, and self-editing are survival strategies. They protect you in environments that haven’t made space for your authenticity. But like Zuko, Cloud, Shinji, Elsa, or the Persona crew, the longer the mask stays on, the harder it is to know where it ends and you begin. Therapy is about setting the costume down, reconnecting with who you are, and building from there. Therapy might not have a social link system we can overtly observe, but we can sometimes feel the changes that occur when we begin to experience the world from a more authentic place.
How we work at Mindful Mage Counselling is a little different than you might be used to. Using a character sheet to help "level up you," we gamify therapy. We select the type of missions you want to work on collaboratively, setting weekly, daily, and monthly goals. This process breaks down larger tasks such as "being comfortable in my body" into more managable, tangible steps. Honestly, what the hell does "being comfortable in my body" mean? For some, it might be building and exercising that intuition muscle. For others, it might be saying "no" and setting up boundaries to help protect you from burning out. It could simply be looking in the mirror and feeling confident for the first time.
The key is here is that therapy isn’t about “fixing” you. It’s about rebuilding trust in yourself, your thoughts, your voice, your choices, and pairing that with the daily structures that help you feel grounded. Self-esteem doesn’t grow in a vacuum; it grows when you practice showing up differently, both inside and outside the therapy room. It would be cool if vacuums could simply suck up self-esteem and give it to you via some magical power.
Identity is built through systems: your routines, your digital habits, and the communities you plug into. If those systems reinforce shame or comparison, then no amount of pep talk will make you feel whole. That’s why therapy here is part skill-building, part lifestyle recalibration, part story-editing. You can’t just delete the critic in your head, but you can build the systems and habits that make it harder for that critic to run the show.
In practice, therapy might look like:
Narrative therapy: rewriting scripts that equate worth with perfection, performance, or survival roles.
CBT & DBT tools: catching self-critical thoughts, building emotional resilience, and practising new responses in real time.
Strength-based reflection: highlighting where you already act authentically, even if you overlook it.
Values discovery: clarifying what you actually stand for (outside of family scripts, cultural scripts, or social media comparison).
Systems work : exploring your lifestyle patterns — sleep, media use, routines — and adjusting them so they support, not sabotage, your self-worth.
Gaming & story metaphors: approaching therapy like levelling up social links in Persona 5 or unlocking hidden abilities in a custom character build.
LGBTQ+ affirming therapy: celebrating identity without pathologising it.
Neurodivergent-informed pacing: building sessions that respect energy, sensory needs, and the pace of unmasking.
Self-esteem isn’t rebuilt through insight alone. It’s like raising a character’s stats: you need repeated practice, intentional skill-building, and supportive allies to see growth. Therapy gives you a safe party to practice with and the tools to carry into the rest of your life. Even when our adventure has come to an end.
Sometimes we respawn on the wrong server. That doesn’t mean you don’t belong in the game. It just means there’s more of you waiting to be discovered, integrated, and celebrated.
You’re a work-in-progress characte and that’s exactly how it should be. Like Cloud, who only found his real strength after letting go of a borrowed script, or Shinji, who learned that self-destruction isn’t the same thing as being useful, your worth isn’t measured by performance. It’s measured by showing up as yourself, as cliché as that seems.
Here’s the part no one tells you: insight alone must work in conjunction with action. You can’t just “think” your way into liking yourself. It grows when your day-to-day systems start supporting who you actually are. That might look like setting a small boundary with texts so you’re not always “on call,” choosing rest over doomscrolling, or letting yourself say "no" without drowning in guilt. Each of those choices is like raising a hidden stat, which can stack over time.
Therapy is about peeling back the mask at your own pace. It’s about noticing the places you’re already authentic, levelling them up, and slowly letting the rest of you come online. Sometimes that feels like raising social links in Persona 5: you don’t max them out in one session, but every step deepens the connection to who you really are.
If you’re looking for a neurodivergent-affirming therapist in Calgary, an LGBTQ+ affirming counsellor, or just a safe space to figure out who you are without the mask, this is the place to start.
You don’t need to be “ready.” You don’t need to have a final form picked out. You just need to be curious enough to try one small shift. That might mean saying "no" when you usually say "yes", turning your phone off at night, or giving yourself permission to rest without earning it first. Those little experiments are how you start rewriting the script.
Therapy gives you a party member that can do some AOE (Area of Effect) healing, while being someone who sees the real you beneath the armour. Together, this helps you test new builds until it feels like the character on screen finally matches the player.
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